For the people who are in real suffering a letter they receive means gold. I am enormously happy when next to the courses you send I find a few lines. This is the human side of an official and cold correspondence; I feel that the sender is real and cares a bit about me, about my problems and this gives me strength in my fight with the illusions of justice system, which I wish you never to know. I can appreciate that you give me from your time to write a few lines for me. It’s a noble thing you can do for…..an inmate. This is what I am for now. It has just passed two years and one moth of preventive arrest and I haven’t been judged. In Romania everything is possible. 

Referring to what inmates miss the most while in prison I think my answer is a bit different than the answer you could get from most of the inmates: affection. Why this answer? Because it generates the feeling of interior peace that even animals need. For God’s sake, who doesn’t want somebody next to him who can strengthen these feelings in him? Who would ever separate from this person? Especially because is so hard to find a trustable person these days. Maybe this is the reason for inmates feel they miss the most their freedom. It’s almost impossible to get affection. You would be surprised to find out why some inmates would want to be released: to commit other crimes. They want to be famous thieves or fearful fighters.

Life in prison is hard from several reasons. Bad people, liars, perfidious, cold employees, this makes even harder the suffering we are in. They do not respect the rules, they do not care about people’s health, they smoke day and night, they don’t open the windows, and it’s like people with no God (people who don’t pay respect to anything). Beside all this we also have problems in our families; we do not find justice in the Court and all these generates so much tension in you that sometimes suicide seems to be the only escape. Personally I was tempted by this thought in the first months of arrest, but God gave me power to change my thoughts and to see in this event a possibility for a major change in my life also because I have a family and a boy who is 4 years and 9 months.
Family is the most difficult thing to realize and the most important. It’s hard- it’s almost a lottery –and it’s important because if you have a family where people can feel carefulness life seems to be easier and it’s easier to fight life’s problems. I can see real “personalities”, famous people, who consider that they achieved a certain professional status but who declare they don’t have time for their family and still they pretend to be happy and fulfilled. They are really disagreeable in their interviews!

About my own family, my biggest fear is no to lose it because of the long detention time and all the social problems we have. I miss my wife, I miss my child and most of the times I refuse to think about them. You can imagine that sometimes I think about them involuntary, especially in the night, before going to sleep, and even with the age I have, I cry. My luck is that I cry in the night and nobody can see me. I even wrote a few poems to my wife and to my boy, with the help of God, I also sent a few things. The real pain is that I lost more than two years from my boy’s life, a time I could use for a better education, an education I missed. It’s hard for them without me. My boy knows that …… I left Romania and when we talk on the phone he asks me when I come back, he cries, he recites me poems, he tells me how much he misses me. You can imagine how much pain I have in my soul then…. .

I would have liked to live in another country and to offer my family the best surprises. Meanwhile, I am just an inmate who creates problems for the ones he loves. Anyway, I have learned a few things about Romanian justice and when I have the first opportunity I will leave Romania. I do not have time to waist. I have to work for the benefit of my family, to make a living and a future from the first day after release. I make now all kind of projects and business plans for working outside Romania and I pray for God’s help in fulfilling my plans. 

The only good thing detention brought me was that I got closer to God. God is everything and I find my shelter in Him everywhere and every time.

I wish you all the best.